Published November 14, 2005
You draw me into your words
Your thoughts, and your poetry
With your blue eyes
And I love them.
It’s almost a seduction dance
When you look at me across the crowd and through the window,
Your eyes are like blue diamonds
Taking their fill of me.
Blue eyed boy, make up your mind
You talk to me about her
While your eyes tell me there’s only me,
Where can I wait safely while you decide?
Green eyed girl, make up your mind
Which way do you run?
You’d let him take you in his arms if he tried
Embracing your love for the moment and throwing your common sense far away.
You’re walking a dangerous line here, girl,
You want him but you’re afraid of the blue in his eyes
You know you should run, you know you should run,
I smile back at him,
I’m lost.
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141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
I love that poem sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- much. I guess you get the idea.
um, no. I didn't like it, it was just....sigh. I want images and metaphors and a story, not just talking, not just talking talking talking.
I liked it. i also agree it sounded like a song. This was a good thing, i liked the rhythm it had. It had powerful images of blue eyes.
This part ralates to so many people who fall for someone. Great work.
I liked this but i had a few little gripes with it. I wasn't sure about the double use of "and" in the first stanza. Also i kinda felt the word "blue" on its own wasn't hugely descriptive, but then i do have a penchant for extravagant words, although in the same breath im not sure it would flow nearly as well if a few extra syllables were chucked in there willy nilly.
As Mattie said, it seemed more of a song to me than a poem. A bit prose-ish, is that even a word? But I like it, that you could take a very clichéd topic, the color of a lover's eyes, and create something original from it. It flowed very smoothly, like a sing song dance.
This though seemed...meh...
The only part of the poem that I can say I didn't care for.
But on the whole it was nice to read.
tahtah
ºMaatº
This seemed more like a song to me rather than a poem. I don't know why, it could just be how you wrote it. Aren't all poems a song in some form or fashion? Anyways, this was very nicely done. Flowed together smoothly and let you get the full effect as you explained everything. It had a very good start, and ended rather sudden. I liked that. Kind of left you hanging...unsatisfied I guess. It might not have to others, but everyone interpruts poems differently. That's how I felt about yours. It also seems as it could have been a story. Besides being a poem, I would suggest to try to write about this. You may not be a writer, but I think you could make this into a short story rather easily. I know I'd read it; for sure.
I loved that stanza for some reason.................